The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
