Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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