I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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