Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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