dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
