she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
