I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
