Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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