she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
