how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
