video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Less talking, more tequila
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
