i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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