I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
