he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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