if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
