how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
