So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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