The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
