Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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