New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Are my feet made of real feet?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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