is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
