Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
