No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
