Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
