I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
