I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
this hospital has no fireball
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
