well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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