so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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