mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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