just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
