i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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