kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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