at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
