i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
