god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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