I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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