Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
