she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
