update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
