Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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