I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
