He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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