Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
