I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
