I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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