I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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