So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
