im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
