I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
