It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
