She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
