Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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