Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
