It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
