You smell like stripper and shame
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
