I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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