i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
